Lima Beans

Saturday, December 20th to Sunday, December 21st

Happy Winter Solstice! Nothing quite like celebrating said holiday wearing a tank top in humidity-free 75 degree weather. Because JA and I are now in Lima, the second largest desert city in the world! But first...

LAN Airlines: The Real Airline of Death

So I may have preemptively designated Avianca as the Airline of Death. But like Nobel Peace Prizes, once you won it, they can never take it away from you, no matter how many covert drone wars you run. So taking a line from fourth grade graduation ceremonies, we'll just find new opportunities to celebrate so that everyone feels special. Therefore, I proudly designate LAN Airlines as the Airline of Soul-Wrenching, It-Would-Be-Better-To-Be-Dead Ninth Circle of Hell.

(That's right, with the betrayals. BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU.)

Now, I want to point out that I love flying. And I love turbulence and the little hop you get in your stomach when the plane drops slightly midair. I do NOT like feeling the entire fuselage vibrate and start to fishtail, observing the wings warp with pieces flapping, experiencing intense turbulence for a good 60% of the flight, seeing the lights flicker in the main cabin, hearing the old man next to you start saying his final prayers, and I definitely, 100%, without a doubt do NOT like hearing the experienced stewardess seated directly behind me start screaming. 

Holy crap.

In the words of my adventurous, fearless younger brother: "I have never been on a flight before where I legitimately thought I was going to die."

(And then we died. The End.)

Kidding. We survived. But I would be lying if I said there was no one who kissed the ground upon landing.

Navigating Lima

Newly appreciative of our ability to navigate directly on the Earth's surface, John Alex and I hop into a taxi to head to our hostel/home for the next three days. And I dunno, maybe having a near death experience freed up some of our inhibition, but we had our best purely-in-Spanish conversation to date. We were killing it. Asking follow up questions, describing our trip...I even pulled out a past participle or two. Aww yeaaaa.

It was going loads better than my last attempt at the pharmacy trying to find anti-itch cream, when you can't remember how to say itch, bite, bugs, or pain. 

("No necesito repelente - algo por *despues* de los mosquitos. Despues!")

Exploring Lima

Lima is an entirely underrated city. Commonly treated as a transit town, Lima actually offers a unique blend of pre- and post-colonial architecture, lovely parks, and a cliff-side beach view to die for.

(The Park of Love. Aka an awkward place to visit when strolling with your brother.)

Another unusual sight was the sudden onslaught of parasailers...or what we think are parasailers. Like the semi-terrible Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman rom-com of the same name, these guys were flying along the coast of Lima with No Strings Attached. While first resembling the Wicked Witch's flying monkeys...

(Fly! Flyyyy! *cackle*)

These guys must've been experiencing some baller-a** views. And yes, I believe that's the technical term for it. 

(As JA pointed out, still a safer flight than our ride here.)

Polvos Azules 

We also went a checked out Lima's largest unofficial yet semi-officially enforced black market: a multi story "it fell off a bus" market place where, if you didn't mind dodging the elbows of tiny Peruvian grandmothers, you could could snag some sweet contraband.

The most fascinating part: these "official money changers" everywhere. These guys (and gals) would sit at cross roads wearing neon vests and openly carry STACKS of all types of currency: Peruvian soles, euros, pesos and thousands and thousands of US dollars.

(Because snapping a clandestine shot of a marked target openly carrying gigantic stacks of cash isn't suspicious at all.)

Parawana Hostel

Big shout for a second for our hostel. After a week or so of traveling in grungy, limited shower environment with questionable internet and uncertain hot water, thank you Parawana for taking care of us. 

I'm cleeeeeeean.

Didn't stop this San Franciscan data analyst from Bangalore from using the delightful pick-up line: "you look like someone who would go to Burning Man." Uhhh... Because I smell?

(Burning Man: a multi day, cult-like, hippie-esque gathering in the middle of the showerless desert. Full of smelly people.)

Okay that's all for today! Heading on a great cooking adventure tomorrow for our Last Full Day in Peru!